My voice is shaking. What’s my truth? Well, the truth is that I’ve been struggling – a lot – lately. I’ve allowed stress and fear to be the loudest voices and my guiding forces over the last few months. My ego (fear-based voice) has taken me down the rabbit hole and I’ve been residing full-time in crazytown.
I’ve tried to power through – fake it until you make it. I’ve slapped a smile on, posted high-vibe images on social media, and gone through the motions with positive affirmations and meditation but it’s all been surface. On the inside I’ve felt anything but high-vibe. And it’s scary as hell to not only admit it to myself but to also share my struggles with you but I’m not living authentically if I don’t share my truth with you.
Here’s how I got here: April and May were insane months at work and the pressure truly got to me. I skipped yoga and meditation one day and that’s turned into months. I haven’t been sleeping. I stopped drinking insane amounts of water and started relying on caffeinated teas “to get me through” the stress. Vegetables started to vanish from my plate. Personal and financial stresses started piling up.
It really was a perfect storm of low-vibe nonsense. And I know better. Which in many ways has made it harder to pull myself out of it. I have the tools and knowledge to manage stress and live a healthy life. But I haven’t used them and that brings a huge sense of guilt and annoyance with myself. And the tailspin continues.
This week has been my breaking point. I’ve woken up in a funk that I just couldn’t shake every morning. And energy is powerful stuff. Like attracts like. The more negative I am, the more negative my experiences are. I feel completely hungover without any alcohol passing my lips. I’m exhausted. (The kind of exhaustion where it takes all of your energy to get up and shower and then you feel like you need a nap to recover. Hello, adrenal fatigue , I don’t like you — more on this topic soon.) I’m bloated. Nauseous. I have a migraine. I’m snapping at the person (and dog) that I love. I’m eating garbage. My chest is tight and my stomach is in knots. I’m beating myself up and totally future-tripping.
And it stops NOW. In this moment.
The great thing about life is that each morning we are presented with a fresh start and anything is possible. In fact, each moment we have a choice. We can see peace or fear. And I choose peace. I choose to be happy. I choose to be healthy. I choose to live in the light.
Last night I wrote in my journal that I needed a sign – a sign that I was being supported. This morning I woke up and boom – my signs were right there.
Clearly the universe thought that I needed my signs to be crystal clear and basically screaming at me. Which is exactly what I needed.
My plan for packing up my belongings and saying goodbye to crazytown is to go back to basics. Meditate, journal, yoga, self-forgiveness, water, vegetables, sleep, and repeat! These things work. I know they do because they’ve worked for me before. I can sit here and wallow, allowing my ego to go to town or I can send my ego packing. So, ego, this is your eviction notice.
Here is my plan for a Joyous July:
Prayer and meditation – As A Course in Miracles teaches, “Prayer is the medium of miracles.” With prayer we ask and with meditation we listen. It’s a two-way conversation and a converstation that I’ve been missing lately. I plan to spend some quality time on my meditation pillow truly surrendering and listening. Time in meditation changes your energy and my energy needs a total makeover.
Live in the light – I literally mean live in the light. I’ve been spending too much time holed up inside. I plan to go for walks, sit outside and drink my morning hot water with lemon, eat outside, and soak up as much sunshine as possible.
Get moving – A stagnant body breeds stagnant energy. I plan to shake the low-vibes out of my body through daily movement. I know that I can move for at least 15 minutes each day. I have the advantage of having a dog that needs a lot of exercise. Scout and I will be walking machines. Sun salutations and frogs will be refreshing ways to begin my day. And, although dancing makes me incredibly uncomfortable, I want to break into random dance parties in the house to shift the energy.
Fuel my body with insane amounts of water and whole foods – I’ve been living in candy land lately. I went from having no refined sugar to bathing in it. And quite honestly, I feel (and look) like death. I need to drastically increase my water consumption especially with the heat and humidity that is the summer and too much air-conditioned, dry air. The farmers markets are finally open and I want to flood my system with fresh, seasonal, and local fruits and vegetables. Bring on the greens and berries!
Make gratitude my attitude – A grateful mind is a happy mind. Being grateful for what you DO have attracts more of what you WANT to have. And it can transform how you view your life. My lack mentality has got to go. I want to focus on the abundance that I do have. I have an incredible, supporting, and loving partner, a pretty rad mom, a love-bug of a dog, and friends until the end. And that’s some amazing stuff!
Find my money love – Money. This is one area of my life that I have a MAJOR block and it is blocking the flow in all aspects of my life. So it’s time to tackle this very stressful and uncomfortable topic. I’m dusting off my unopened copy of Kate Northrup’s Money: A Love Story and plan to go deep.
Choose my words wisely – Words are power and my words lately have not supported the life I want to live. I’ve been using every negative word in the dictionary and it’s only been calling more negativity into my life. Gabby’s vlog this week was a great reminder about changing your energy and experiences by changing your words.
I know that changing my energy will take a moment to moment commitment. And I am committed. Happiness is an inside job and is simply a choice that I get to make. Will I stumble? Yes. Will my ego try to drag me back to crazytown. Of course, that’s what it does. But the more I dwell in the power of my presence, the more that energy will become my default. And my energy impacts that energy of everyone that I encounter. So living in the light isn’t just about me, it’s about raising the energy of my friends and family, and in turn the world. And that’s pretty fabulous motivation!