Today is my 33rd birthday and it feels quite magical. Last year I shared 32 things that I knew to be true on my birthday and this year I learned a great lesson.
That’s a big one so I’ll repeat it: It’s never about what it’s about. It’s always about you. The thing that keeps us stuck is the obsessive focus on “it” – whatever “it” is for you in the moment. It’s our nature to place the blame outward. It’s the cookies fault (I’m mean, they’re just too good to stop). It’s the driver that just cut you off. It’s your boss that is so unreasonable. It’s your bank account because it just won’t grow. It’s your partner’s fault for pushing your buttons. It’s mother nature’s fault for not paying attention to that fact that you left your umbrella at home.
So, what do I mean when I say that it’s never about what it’s about? Let’s start with what I don’t mean. I don’t mean that you are to blame for all of your troubles and that you should turn your frustration inward. Our ego is really good at its job – keeping us stuck and fearful. And one of its greatest defenses is confusing us. Making us think that we know what’s going on and keeping us in the dark in our own lives. It’s really easy to think that your troubles have nothing to do with you and are totally out of your control. It’s not about you so you can’t be held accountable for making it better.
Most of my life has been spent obsessing about “it” while feeling utterly victimized by it. I surrendered control by looking outside of myself for the problem or the solution and couldn’t move forward as a result. I wasn’t happy or healthy but that had nothing to do with me. It was my genetics, my job, my bank account, my surroundings. It was everything else but me. Give me a magical health pill, lots of money, my dream job, and the ideal setting and I will rock this life. I’ll be the happiest girl in the world. Until I’m alone with my own body and my own mind and realize that, even though everything has changed, nothing has changed. I’m still exactly the same Stephanie as before.
It’s about me. My life is about me. My place in this world is about me. My struggles and triumphs are about me. It’s not about “it” at all. “It” is just a distraction.
This year has been all about learning this lesson over and over again. It’s been about going deep – shining light into all of the dark corners of my life – and healing. It’s been about taking responsibility for my own life. And owning my voice and my light. This year I finally got it. The key to health and happiness is inside of me. It’s not about the things outside of me. The things outside of me are my lessons and opportunities for growth. Now, in the midst of a stressful day or irrational freakout, when my instincts are to place blame I instead ask myself what I can learn from this person, this experience, this moment. I can’t control the world around me but I can control how I react to it, approach it, and contribute to making it a brighter place.
This past year has been a pivotal year. I’ve clarified my dreams and cultivated my confidence. What I know to be true on my 33rd birthday is that “it” is really about me. My opportunity to grow and learn and show up bigger and brighter in the world. The more I live my purpose the more I will light up the world through inspiration and service. This next year is going to be a year of action. I feel it in my bones that things are about to change. I’m excited to see where life takes me and what lessons I learn this year.